Do you always need to be right?
What’s a stumbling block for us as Christians when we have conversations with others? I think there’s lots of answers, but one that seems pretty common is the need to be right. Especially on social media, everywhere you turn it seems like there’s a debate going on about something. So what are we supposed to do when we come across these debates?
I keep coming back to the book of Romans during this season, especially Romans 14. For some context, in this chapter, Paul is writing to the church in Rome and he’s talking about the Jewish customs of eating and not eating specific foods. This was a big point of contention among new Christians who had converted from Judaism, where some of them believed the food restrictions were still necessary to honor God, while some of them believed Jesus’ death took away the need for religious customs. This is where we’ll pick up in Romans 14, verse 14:
“I know and am convinced on the authority of the Lord Jesus that no food, in and of itself, is wrong to eat. But if someone believes it is wrong, then for that person it is wrong. And if another believer is distressed by what you eat, you are not acting in love if you eat it. Don’t let your eating ruin someone for whom Christ died.” Romans 14:14-15
What can we insert here instead of “eating”? What are some things that we get so convinced that we are right about, that we focus on being right rather than loving others? Maybe instead of “eating,” we could say:
Don’t let your view on politics ruin someone for whom Christ died.
Don’t let your stance on racial reconciliation ruin someone for whom Christ died.
Don’t let your judgment of others for what they wear, the music they listen to, the movies they watch, ruin someone for whom Christ died.
Then you will not be criticized for doing something you believe is good. For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God, and others will approve of you, too. So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up. Romans 14:16-19
I love verse 17, where I feel like Paul is saying “look at the bigger picture!” It’s not about these little disagreements, it’s about your heart. We are playing a small part in a bigger story, and our actions impact others’ journeys as well. We are all on a journey, and what God cares about is our hearts. For you, being the best follower of Jesus might look different than the person sitting next to you. We are called to lead by example, to speak the truth in love, and to put others before ourselves.
Being right should not be our goal, our goal should be loving people the way Jesus did.
When we focus on relationships rather than being right, it actually allows us to be more open to learning from those around us. When we approach conversations wanting to learn from and love the person we are talking to, not only can God use them to teach us new things, we also grow closer in unity with them. Don’t let your need to win an argument be the reason someone feels unloved or unseen. Instead, let’s follow the instructions from James 1:19: “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”