Why are you afraid?
What’s something you’re afraid of? If you were to ask me this, I would probably say spiders, heights, or scary movies. Something that I don’t think would be on my list is rain. But I lived in Texas for 5 years for college, and when I moved there, I realized that quite a few of my friends were nervous about driving in the rain. If you’re like me and grew up in Oregon, you probably think this is kind of weird. I grew up driving in the rain because it rains in Oregon - all the time.
Then came the night when I experienced driving through a severe thunderstorm for the first time in the dark. I quickly realized why my friends were nervous about driving in storms - this was nothing like Oregon rain. It was coming down so hard I could barely see, I was on a stretch of highway with no lights, and the water was pooling up so quickly it felt like I was driving through small ponds. By the time I finally made it back to my apartment, my muscles hurt from being so tense, I was exhausted, and I had cried multiple times out of sheer terror.
Have you ever felt fear like this? So did Peter, one of Jesus’ close friends, who had an experience where he felt crazy fear. Jesus had just performed one of his most famous miracles - feeding 5,000. He told his disciples to take their boat across the lake to have some time to himself to pray.
“Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About 3:00 in the morning, Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!” Matthew 14:24-26
Okay, so things aren’t going super well for the disciples at this moment. There’s a bad storm, Jesus isn’t with them, and suddenly they see a ghost - things go from bad to worse. I don’t even like haunted houses or scary movies, so this is actually my worst nightmare.
But then Jesus speaks up, “...“Don’t be afraid,” he said, “Take courage, I am here!” Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” “Yes, come”, Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith.” Jesus said, “Why did you doubt me?” Matthew 14:27-31
Why did Peter doubt Jesus?
He had been following Jesus for a while now and had seen him perform crazy miracles - he had literally just seen one hours before this! Matthew said it’s because of the storm. Now, I can see this - storms are scary to me. But there’s an important detail about Peter that I haven’t mentioned, he was a fisherman. Which means that his dad was probably also a fisherman, and Peter had most likely grown up fishing with his family; where?
On boats.
This was probably not the first storm Peter had experienced; in fact, there’s a chance it wasn’t even the worst storm he had experienced. And it doesn’t say this in the Bible, but I think Peter knew how to swim. If he grew up around boats, he probably had learned what to do if you fell out of a boat - you swim. It wasn’t like Peter’s ability to swim flew out of his body as he began to sink; he could have gotten back to the boat if he really needed to.
So we come back to the original question, why was Peter really afraid? I think it wasn’t really about the storm at all.
There are 2 types of fear - there’s fear that helps you stay safe and make good decisions, which I would call healthy fear. For example, I would say my fear of heights is a healthy fear because it kicks in when I’m in an unsafe situation, like hiking near a tall drop-off, but it’s not a fear that I struggle with constantly.
But there’s another type of fear, and this fear can become unhealthy and controlling. If I can be really vulnerable with you guys, I have really struggled with this type of fear. I have had nights where I couldn’t sleep because of fearful thoughts racing through my mind; I have allowed fear to dictate my decisions and change how I view myself.
With the help of friends, family, and professionals, I've learned that this type of fear is usually based on lies. Lies about myself and lies about God. The two main lies that I believe over and over again are: I’m not good enough (I’m not good enough for my friends or family, and certainly not good enough for God), and I can’t trust God to handle my problems (either because he isn’t big enough to handle them, or he doesn’t care.)
Neither of those things is true.
For me, my biggest fear is the unknown. It could be something as small as a friend isn’t texting me back, so I immediately stress out over the last thing I said or did that could have made them upset - which feeds into the lie that I’m not good enough for them. Or it could be something bigger, like coronavirus, and all of the change and cancellations that have come from this, it seems too big and overwhelming to tackle - which is based on the lie that God isn’t big enough or doesn’t care about me.
What fears are you feeling right now? Maybe for you, it’s fear of losing one more thing that you were excited for that’s been canceled. Maybe it’s fear for someone you love’s health or fear of the unknown. Maybe you can’t put a name to the fear you feel, but you know it’s there. It can consume your thoughts, it can paralyze you, and it can feel big and scary, just like the storm Peter was in. When you think about those fears, can you think of lies that might feed into those fears? Maybe it’s the lies I mentioned earlier, or maybe it’s something completely different.
Either way, when fears are based on lies, the thing that can defeat those lies is truth. Truth about God and how he sees us.
When I read this story before, I always pictured Jesus asking Peter why he was afraid in an angry or judgemental way. Like he was saying, “come on, Peter, get it together, you’ve seen me do amazing things, why don’t you trust me?” Maybe I read it like that because that’s how I pictured Jesus asking me. “Get it together Laura, why don’t you trust me yet? What more do I need to do?”
But now, I hear Him asking in the same way as a friend. Someone who knows the truth about me, even when I can’t break through the fog of lies, to believe it. A way that allows us to pause and remember that we are loved by a God who is bigger than our fear, bigger than any lie, and hear the truth about who we are and who God is.
I love what Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 1:7: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” How do we begin to live in this spirit of power, love, and self-discipline? How can we break free from the lies and fear that’s holding us down? Share your fears with God. When we can name our fear and take it to him, we can start to identify the lies that are causing that fear. And once we find the lies, we can combat them with the truth.
If you haven’t heard the song “Peace Be Still,” I would highly encourage you to listen and take the lyrics to heart. It’s been my prayer as I jump into the unknown that has come with this season of my life, and I hope it’s an encouragement to you as well. Here are a few of my favorite words:
I don't want to be afraid.
Every time I face the waves
I don't want to be afraid.
I don't want to fear the storm.
Just because I hear it roar
I don't want to fear the storm.
Peace be still
Say the word, and I will
Set my feet upon the sea
Till I'm dancing in the deep
Peace be still
You are here, so it is well.
Even when my eyes can’t see
I will trust the voice that speaks.