imposter
"Imposter syndrome (IS) refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be." Verywellmind.com
Have you ever felt like this? When I first read this definition, it was one of those "punch to the gut" moments, as if whoever wrote this had a window into my head. I became a student pastor in January 2020 and was hired to work under our church's Lead Student Pastor as I led one of our campus student ministries. I had no formal education or experience in ministry, only a deep love for the students of our church and a call from God in my life to enter full-time ministry.
Well, you know how the story goes. Covid hit in March 2020, which ultimately turned ministry on its head. We had to pivot and figure out how to minister to students in a completely new way while they were experiencing one of the most challenging things they've navigated as students. Then, in June 2020, our lead pastor resigned very unexpectedly. This led to resignations among the staff and restructuring, which left me as the only student pastor for our church by February 2021. You can do the math on that one - 1 year in, and suddenly my job looks nothing like I envisioned it.
There have been so many days filled with tears, anxiety, second-guessing, and internal wrestling. But, there have also been days where a student or parent sends me a note or speaks encouragement, a system we worked on actually works how we thought it would, or, the absolute best, I get the incredible honor to baptize a student. Sometimes days are split between these two realities.
Back in August, I preached on faithfulness as a part of a series on the fruit of the Spirit (you can find that message here if you’re interested). In that message, I talked about people in the Bible who portrayed faithfulness in their lives - Moses, David, Hannah, the disciples, and many more. In helping me prepare, one of the other teaching pastors reminded me that although we can learn so much from their stories, these people are not the heroes of the Bible.
God is the hero of the Bible.
In the exact same way, I am not the hero of my own life - God is. When I feel inadequate, it's often because I'm looking at my situation through the lens of my strength and abilities, rather than asking God how I should get through it. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect in the eyes of everyone around me, but I'm not called to be perfect in the world's eyes. Right now, I'm called to pastor the students within my church's ministry and community.
Do I mess up? Yes. Often. And badly.
Do I sometimes let those mistakes completely derail my day or my week? Yes. Unfortunately.
So how do we break the cycle of imposter syndrome?
We focus on who we are, not who we are not.
How often do we meet someone, and immediately start taking inventory of all the ways that person is better than us? Maybe it’s their style, their athletic abilities, their humor, their friendliness, the list goes on and on. We can become obsessed with this idea of becoming “that girl” instead of being THIS one, cultivating what makes us, well, us.
1st Corinthians 12 outlines the various spiritual gifts that we possess. My favorite verses are at the end, where Paul writes: "All of you together are Christ's body, and each of you is a part of it. ... Are we all apostles? Are we all prophets? Are we all teachers? Do we all have the power to do miracles? Do we all have the gift of healing? Do we all have the ability to speak in unknown languages? Do we all have the ability to interpret unknown languages? Of course not!" 1 Corinthians 12:27, 29-30 NLT.
God never asked me to be something I'm not. For example, in ministry, God has not given me the passion and drive to do crazy stunts or games. That's okay because he has given me other gifts that I use daily. I cannot spend my time wishing I was the best at that when I could be spending my time growing and nurturing the gifts God has given me. But that leads me into...
We ask for help when we need it.
I have incredible volunteers who are vastly talented in so many areas. Luckily, I have amazing volunteers who make games fun and exciting; I just have to ask for their help. We've all heard the cheesy saying, "we aren't meant to do life alone," and even though it's cheesy - it's true! When we invite people into our lives by asking them for help, not only are we allowing ourselves to lean into our gifts, we are giving opportunity for others to grow theirs!
Side Note: As a pastor who is not trained in mental health, I know it is imperative that I do not try to do things I am not qualified to do. God does not ask me to be all things for all people, and especially in those instances, when I try to operate outside of my scope, I can cause harm in the name of pride.
We remember that God is the hero of our story.
When we focus on the fact that God gets the glory and not us at the end of it all, it takes all the pressure off of us. There's no standard of perfection we have to achieve, no checklist we have to mark off, no magic formula we have to follow. The only thing God asks of us is that we seek to bring Him glory in all we do.
"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17 NIV
Whether you're in ministry or not, if you are following Jesus, I can guarantee there will come a moment where you feel that you are not cut out for what you're about to do. At that moment, breathe, remind yourself of who you are and who you are not, find people around you who can help, and remember that God is the hero of your story.